An Out Of Control Child Or Is it Parents Fault?

I was reading my friend Rose’s blog when a comment someone made caught my attention. Rose’s blog was about things she hated that most people she knows seem to like.  The comment that caught my attention was from a friend of hers that hates “parents who let their children run the family/home/life”.  This comment caught my attention because of something that happened earlier in the day at my house.  While I hadn’t intended to blog again so soon I find myself w/a topic & a story to tell. Yesterday, my boyfriend Brian’s son “D” was having his friend “Z” over for dinner; & “Z” is the reason for my story. 

Let me acquaint you w/”Z”. When I first met him I thought he was a sweet boy, both Brian & I were glad for “D” to have a friend to play with who lives just around the corner.  There aren’t a whole lot of kids in our neighborhood; it’s rare to see kids outside playing; riding bikes etc.  The first time he came over to play at our house both he & “D” were jumping off the furniture in “D’s” bedroom; but mostly “Z” was. I believe this is when the box spring for “D’s” bed broke. I was downstairs in the living room & I thought they were going to come through the ceiling & land next to me on the couch!  The next time he came to play they were crawling, bouncing & jumping all over my leather sectional & ottoman in the family room. I noticed a hole in one of the sectional cushions the next day.  Mind you, I’m talking about 12-year-old boys. They should have grown out of jumping on (& off) furniture years ago.   A couple of weeks ago “D” called Brian from his cell phone to tell him that he’d gotten in trouble on the school bus & had his bus privileges revoked for 2 months, as a joke. Obviously, this is not a joke we’re going to laugh at & “Z” was clearly heard in the background coaching “D” on exactly what to say.

Day before yesterday; the boys were in the yard getting “D’s” bicycle from the shed. “Z” decided to grab the tree limb cutters & started swinging it around like it was a sword, breaking & smashing branches off trees & bushes.  He swung that thing like a baseball bat & sledge-hammer; really intent on breaking everything in his reach. It’s a miracle he held onto the thing (it’s quite long & heavy) & didn’t hurt himself or “D”.  I’d gone out to bring the dog inside, & saw what he was doing.  I stood there watching frozen in place w/disbelief at the disrespect to our property; but more afraid to call out & startle him for fear he might lose his grip & the cutters would go flying ‘into’ “D”.  “D” saw me watching, told “Z”, who promptly threw the cutters into the bushes, picked up a branch he’d just smashed off a tree & pretends that was what he saw swinging around the whole time.  (Yes, I did just fall off the turnip truck.)  But…. he’s not my child so I just walked over, found & picked the cutters up, put them away & told him he was lucky he hadn’t hurt someone. No apology forthcoming.  The boys leave without picking up the mess “Z” just made.  I told Brian what “Z” did to the yard & he’s not surprised. By now we’ve had numerous discussions about him & neither of us are so glad for the friendship anymore.

Yesterday, Brian told me that “D” asked if “Z” could have dinner w/us. I was hoping he’d said no considering the behavior from the day before. Instead, Brian tells me his parents went out & left him behind because he wanted to stay outside playing, so he’d said yes.   In come the boys & Brian sends them outside to play until dinner’s ready. Brian was  grilling up some burgers & therefore was outside to witness what happened.   The boys were on the trampoline at the rear of our yard when a couple 6-year-old girls from the house behind us go out to their yard.  “Z” saw them & proceeded to pull his pants down & is yelling to the girls “Hey! Wanna see my balls?” (for those sensitive to language reading this, my apologies.)   Obviously Brian heard the taunting, looked up from the grill & saw the boy with his pants down. We won’t tolerate that kind of behavior, & he was sent home. 

Brian called “Z’s” parents to tell them what their son did, & that he’d been sent home.  I couldn’t tell you what their reaction to the phone call was; because I didn’t bother to ask.  The reason?  These are parents who allow their child to rule their home. “D” tells me this boy is in constant trouble at school, on the bus, & at home.  I can’t count the # of times “D” has stated “Z”  is grounded;  but the kid shows up 5 minutes later ringing our doorbell looking for “D”.  According to “D”,  groundings’  last for an hour or less @ “Z’s” house. The moment his parents ground him, he throws a hissy fit of a tantrum & they rescind the punishment.  I get the whole don’t ‘overly’ punish your child for bad behavior philosophy, if the child feels like he’s already lost everything, there’s no incentive to behave.  On the flip side; how does grounding a child for an hour or less; or relenting on a punishment when the child throws a temper fit & pouts, teach a child there are consequences for their actions & behavior?  This is irresponsible parenting at it’s finest.  These parents need to realize their failure to act, be firm, establish rules & boundaries, as well as consequences, extends beyond their front door.  “D” went on to say that “Z” always yells at his parents & never listens to them. Brian & I have long speculated that the reason “D” is so welcomed at “Z’s” 24/7;  is so that his parents don’t have to deal with him.

I can’t even begin to imagine what kind of trouble that boy will  be in by the time he’s 16; I just hope & pray that he & “D” are no longer friends by then.  And I hope that those little girls couldn’t hear what “Z” said & that their parents were near by to hear Brian scolding him, & realize the offending child is not a member of our household.

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3 Responses to “An Out Of Control Child Or Is it Parents Fault?”

  1. tcrpmg Says:

    This is exactly the reason I can watch some of the reality shows on TV. People these days let their kids do whatever they want and as a consequence, there is no respect anymore. The worst thing that could have ever happened was people saying you can’t discipline your kids like the old days. People are either too afraid or too lazy to effectively discipline their kids now.

    When I was a kid, if I acted like that, I would have gotten my ass whooped. And guess what? It didn’t hurt my growth. I have never been arrested, and was never suspended from school I think it helped.

    People, discipline your bad ass kids. You are the adult.

  2. Kristine's blog Says:

    I don’t even want to ‘think’ about what my parents would have done if I did something like this. As a parent; if my daughter behaved similarly: woe to her is all I can say. I’ve never really believed in spanking as a form of discipline; but there were a couple times as she was growing up, I did spank. If she’d done this; I think it would have qualified as one of those times.

  3. dozenroses13 Says:

    If I ever pulled that my brothers would have been hiding me because they knew I was going to get a whoppin’! I think people are afraid to discipline their children for fear their kid goes to school and says “My Mom hit me.” It’s a sad society we live in. So many kids these days are out of control brats. The future of our country. SCARY!

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